In the past 6 mos I have lost dear friends who have impacted my life. Death is not an easy experience to have especially, when it hits home. Out of the 6 people who crossed, two of the Men one of which was a long time dear friend, spiritual brother, and old boss. I used to babysit his kids while him and his wife went out. We had history, we trained with the same Metaphysical teacher and he hired me to do landscaping back in the early 90's. When he contacted me over Thanksgiving of 2017, I had no idea it would be that last time I would hear his voice and laugh at his jokes.
He told me that he had come down with stomach cancer, and he was on the mend. He wanted to know when I'd be down that way in San Jose CA 5 hours away, so we can get together and catch up. Going to the bay area is always a challenge for me, I live in a small community in Northern CA where everyone waves at one another, and you can see snow capped mountains that surround our valley. Quite a different story in San Jose, even though I grew up there, I was happy to leave when I did.
I didn't see him when I went down for Thanksgiving. I wanted to be with my family and get back home to Weed CA, as soon as I could.
That following week I was out in the back country wood gathering and falling dead Lodge pole pine with a friend, we needed wood for sweat lodge, A native American ceremony.
While on the Road I felt this tremendous peace wash over me, and my co-worker, who tends to chew way to much fat when I want to enjoy the ride, his voice starts to fade away. I'm driving but, I feel like I'm down a tunnel behind my physical body, thank god for auto pilot!
I felt this for about a minute, like something was sharing an experience with me, translucent, light coming over me. When we finally got to our tree cutting destination I checked my phone for any messages and there it was on a text from another brother Malaku. He said, our brother Gary made his journey from his home last night peacefully. I wasn't sad, I felt tremendous joy for him. He did good in this life, weird, I questioned myself of why I wasn't sad for not seeing him in November. I didn't have an answer for myself.
Looking in the blue sky I could feel joyous love coming down from the sky, in the sunlight I saw his smile, and in the wind I heard his goofy laugh. I wasn't surprised at this but, overwhelmed at the gift that was shared with me. I called Malaku and told him what I was feeling, he started laughing and he said, he was experiencing similar joy.
Love never dies, it felt like all the love my friend Gary had in him exploded into the world and became Creation once more.
I was amazed! There was more Gary in the world more than ever!!
So, my last experience was much more intense. My best friend Richard D., Mentor, and Sponsor past much more dramatically for me. Even now that I write this blog I can feel water gathering in my eyes.
I stayed at his side and sang to him until his spirit left his body. The last thing he said to me before the drugs took over is and he went to sleep was, "How's my favorite Block Head?" "Do I owe you money?" We had a good laugh on that one. People were gathered in his home, people came by and paid their last respects and I sat there feeling like everyone is leaving me behind. All these good people who have made huge impacts on the earth, on me, on other people, in ceremony, their all going where I cannot follow.
As I sat there, singing to my friend I imagined I saw him looking at me at the foot of his bed staring at me with joy on his face, then I heard it. I heard, "what are you crying about?" I did a double take from the lifeless body breathing on the bed, to Richard standing on the edge of the bed smiling at me. I kept that moment to myself, until now. The next day I was at ceremony, I felt like a foreigner standing there by the fire, Unable to hide or get away from the sadness I still had lingering in me. So, I went to a tree and stood behind it and had some tobacco. At that moment, I heard again....Why are you so sad? I heard Richards voice again, he said, "Get over there and sing some songs!" "Those people love you when you sing, now go over there and sing for me!" I couldn't argue with that, I love to sing. So, I picked up my drum and walked to the fire, i turned to look at my Pop Walking Eagle who was speaking to other people at the same time smiling at me. I knew he knew what was going on in my heart. I can always count on Pop, he is always very perceptive. So, I sang and I felt the wind, I felt the sun on my face, and I remembered the ones who have crossed before me, I remembered Gary and the joy he brought. I sang and I felt every single person I thought about standing around that fire that day, which got everyone else excited and others picked up their drums and sang with me.
I can easily choose not to believe what I am experiencing or what I am hearing. I can choose not be aware of the love in the light, or I can choose to close my heart and not see the smiling faces of my guides, Christ, Mary, Merlin. I feel that these experiences help me more than ever to understand what God intended for us to experience. Life is much more meaningful to me now, that when my life fades, I too can leave my passing impact on the planet as much as my friends did.
If I didn't know anything, or if I had not known about this after death crossing ceremony, If I never learned to love unconditionally, if i never prayed for understanding, or wondered where people go when they die as a kid, I probably wouldn't have had these experiences. I am grateful today, to be able to know my friends in this life and in the after life journey.
Mitak O' yeasin.